During the week the Ruddster had tea with Blatter and gave the big fella the clincher line, “If Australia gets the World Cup I promise we’ll do a good job.” With heartfelt tearjerkers like that it hard not to see Blatter give it to us…

Besides the obvious problems, such as the hooligan English fans who make the chimpanzees at Taronga Zoo look sophisticated and the small problem that Britain’s so broke that it won’t even be able to buy a football by 2018, there are a lot of good reasons why countries like Australia, and New Zealand for that matter, are ideal for football tournaments.

Most importantly of all, it is Winter in the Southern hemisphere when the tournament takes place. The Australian late Autumn/early Winter makes for the ideal place to play football. Not too hot, not water logged, not too much snow unless you go up a big hill! Absolutely perfect for all those of us who grimaced watching Ronaldo huff around the football pitch in sweltering weather a few years ago.

There’s also the fact that Australia is one of the most exciting teams in the world at the moment. So, investment in football and rectangular pitches in Australia will hopefully see an explosion in soccer talent. Eventually, a football tournament replicating the Ashes could be formed, so you guys could regularly beat us at that too!

Add to that the fact players actually want to go there because Australia is perhaps the most perfect country in the world for a holiday. Unlike Britain, which is normally soggy, or South Africa, where you’ll probably get shot. Plus you can get a floatie at half time, which beats tea and oranges.

And finally, I’ll have a great excuse to visit your beautiful country again, if I haven’t managed to persuade immigration to let me in by then!